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Silent Cry

I tried seeking Professional help but none of them can really help me. So far, they think that there's really nothing wrong with me or that I really don't need their help. I have no one. I'm alone and no one to talk to. I'm in a place where I never wanted to stay in a lockdown for so many months. This is a house filled with painful memories, regrets and the horrors of my past. This is a place where it's wrong to be yourself. To be too optimistic, loud and so carefree. They say that being home should be the most relaxing place you could ever be but I am the living proof of how disgusting it is. This is where people turn against one another for the benefit of one. This is where you feel powerless over someone who holds the authorities over you and will always remind you that this is the life you could never run away from; this is the place where the ghosts are alive and haunt you and maybe the only way of getting out of it is death.

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Re: Silent Cry

Dear, you know,at times we believe we are the unluckiest in the world but when we look just a little above all the unlucky situations,you'll discover there's a thousand reasons to be grateful. We'll always be in the middle ( believe it or not;some people wish they're in your world,to have that family to call theirs even if the family don't care,to have a even a slight experience of yours)we always look at the people above and better than us leaving us to wonder why our own lives are so miserable,leaving us with wishes of "if only..."

The thought of death is fine but conceding to it is the greatest defeat we can ever rock.... You still got a lot more to offer life and never forget that some people are meant to be helped by you... If your environment is pulling you down,you can try to change locations....even Jesus was rejected at his very hometown so he left and did great wonders in other parts of the world..

I'm sorry for all the rambling but it's cause I care and I really wish to hear a story from you about how you conquer all the negativities. Warm greetings dear ❀

Dear don't worry. Would you like to talk? Hope I could give you a hug mate..

Mm.. I think there are people who care outside. Maybe many of them. Who cares for the person who you are. Don't give up. You'll get out of this soon. It maybe a fact that no one cares. But isn't it a freedom for you to do what you like too? Because no one cares what you're doing in your home, but someone actually would care for what you genuinely are, out there πŸ™‚πŸ™‚..

It's okay to feel this way. It's fine. Let it be. Pls do wrote if you feel even worser. Help is always thereβœŒπŸ½πŸ™‚

Another night of not being able to breathe properly, literally. There are nights when my chest tightens and then it hurts; this makes me grip my chest, pound it, trying to lessen the pain or hopefully breathe properly until I momentarily black out and wonder how 40 min had passed by and no one noticing me passing out on my incline drawing table. I bet they'd still turn a blind eye to it and think I was just sleeping just like how they turned a blind eye when they found some tissue papers with dried blood on it. Living like this, is as good as being dead. Death. Recently, these past few weeks I've been dreaming of death, numerous ways of dying. The most memorable one was killing myself.

I was on an event where I was a host to an event in this resort. I had to go back to the hotel room I checked in to get into my evening gown and when I returned someone had replaced me of being a host and everyone made it look like I had caused the problem but in truth I was not informed of being a host. Someone courted me in that dream an when I was about to come near him. I was ignored and continued to be humiliated by everyone screaming at me on how I was't needed. So I ran outside. I kept running and running until I found myself running towards the sea and no one stopped me.

Then, I woke up.

I woke up crying because... I realized even when I'm gone no one would really care.

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