There is this guy. I've known him since middle school. I admitted I liked him first but he was with someone. We went our separate ways as to not hurt anyone. They broke up, he told me he was interested but I was with someone. We again went our separate ways.. Before going off to college we were both single and I thought his feelings were gone. He told me he had to push them away because I was going out of town and he didn't think he could do long distance. I didn't question it, I found someone and so did he and we stopped talking. No matter how many years go by we always end up talking again checking in. Thats how it starts. But no matter how sad or "just missing it" or whatever, it's not all daisies and roses. Sure we could laugh and be happy hanging out, have a lot of memories, obviously feelings were there... but All we do is fight, he brings out so much anger from me and he could never be truthful without some liquid courage. We know we are what most would consider "toxic". Even now we admit the only reason one person reaches out for the other is to "poke the bear". We've had some strong arguments and even if we think the same as the other person, we will disagree just to fight. . But why is it that after 14 years of highs and lows ,purposeful on both ends, does he still make me smile and make my heart jump at random times? Am I crazy? I feel like I'm crazy.