I dont do well with writing things but I just feel like it has been very helpful to most people.
So I am going to spill it out now.
I have spent my whole life trying to make others happy before me. I honestly never knew what I wanted until I moved to a different state.
To explain what I mean is that sometimes I keep my tongue from saying the things that are truly happening with someone so I give into what they believe. I guess I was scared to express what they are doing. I know that I'm a people pleaser most of the time. But recently I stood up to someone I never that I would. But it has lead me to ruin what relationship. This person has always made it all about her. Never taking the responsibility for there wrong doings. Most of the time I'm honest but I have never been the best liar. So I always came clean to alot things no matter the consequences to them. But, I have come to realize that she is fighting in circle s with her self. All this negativity she has in her mind is broken is too much for me to handle. I spent all week having her back, listening to her vent about her fiance and his dad's problems and then expect everyone to drop our lives because she is stuck and then be disrespectful in return. The past is in past going backwards is only going to make matters worse.
But what is so hurting me right now is that I have never change who I am as person for now no one. Tell me how much she dont trust my word. Even though she stabbed me in the back for thinking she protected me but she made matters worse. And to explain why we stopped taking was because she told me something that to keep it between me and her but it was okay to go behind my back to ruin my relationship with someone things I vented to her in confidence and the pain I was going through. Just went blow up on the person. Like some hero. Then she wanted to tell me that what she said was in confidence. Then she wants to say I'm no longer her sister and wish she was never my twin and I was never born. She says things like to me and i just think realize how much I been there for her since day one. How much love and support I will always have for her. But her saying that to me is something she has to meaningfully sorry for. My pain matters just has much as her pain that she brags about saying how much depression she has well she needs help. And I'm not going stand watch her continue tell me anymore hateful things. I would love to get pass this some how with her but what she said has forever hurt me. It just felt like it was branded into my heart. How am I some supposed to forgive that. How am I supposed say to her that all is well. When I know what she said is still hard to take back.