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So lost

I feel so lost! Been struggling all my life and it just won't end. I think I'm in a depression loop and each time I try to get out of it, another event just sucks me back into it. It's 3:30am and I can't sleep. Things just keep coming back to me in my head and I can't stop feeling sad or angry. I'm stuck. I need help but I've got no one to talk to so I'm ranting here. I feel so used and miserable. It's not just the circumstances, its the people in them. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it and just end up hating myself because I think everything is just my fault. I'm desperate for a break.. and a breakthrough.