So, about 4 weeks ago my grandad died. By family split in two with me inbthe middle. They argued with me instead or each, they passed information through me regarding his funeral, and my nan (whod been divorced from him for almost 30 years) messaged me a few weeks before his funeral to tell me that me, my mum and uncle were driving her insane and every night she went to bed she hoped she didn't wake up. It broke me, I was already struggling mentally before, I think. And all this wrecked me. Now, half the family barely speaks to me, and atm that seems to be working because someday I feel like myself. Then some days I feel like im fighting back the tears that threaten to come. I get these thoughts, like I let my grandad down. See I didn't spend enough time with him, didn't take my 3 year old to se whim enough and sure we can make covid and me working full time an excuse but let's be honest, we make time for the things we want to make time for. Guess I felt guilty, but now the thoughts I had before are coming to the surface, I feel like im failing. Failing at being a mum. Failing at being a wife, I cant seem to keep on top of my house. I feel like I know what I need to do, but I just don't have the energy or the will. I've been off work because of how I've been feeling, the dr has given me tablets to make me drousy but they don't work all the time and at night I lay here, in the dark with all these thoughts, silently crying.