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Sometimes I lost all emotions

When I was kid, I keep denying things that I'm living in a terrible world I laughed a lot, smiled a lot and more expressive. I was bullied for 6 years or even more. I used to hurt myself and writing my anxiety with my own blood. I never really tell anyone about it. But one day, mom scolded me and I'm so angry with myself. So I went to the bathroom and pulled my hair really hard while cried. But suddenly my sister and my mom open the door and stopped me. I was so young back then I don't really remember how old I am but I remember I did it in elementary school. After that, no one asked me why I did it and literally no one say sorry, making me feel better or telling me it's okay. I'm 18 rn and it's really hard because people have they're own problems. In my life even I'm trying to be more better person, people around makin me feel that I'm lower than them. First, I lost my confidence, than I lost my trust and finally I lost my hope now. I'm a 3rd year student of a university now. And after everything that happened to me, my heart hardens. I feel like I don't belong in here, in this world. I'm depressed and no one knows or cares about it. I'm depressed but I don't want to owe someone to help me cuz I have to pay them back. I have no one to trust even my family can't understand me. Sometimes I make people cry and don't feel guilty at all. It's wrong. But it's just happens and I don't even know why. But here, can you at least say that I'm doing well for not ending my life? is it wrong for me to have support?