2 months ago
Time Spent- 57m
28 Visitors

Stop it stop reminding me please just stop

Ive tried to convince myself its fine but its not and im in so much pain. I feel disgusted with myself, i feel so fucking empty and my brain is dead. Theres so much pressure and so much trauma. I feel so alone. Why did you have to hit me, you picked me up hit my back against the wall, screamed in my face and then threw me on the ground. You physically and mentally abused me. You were my step dad, you were supposed to be better than my dad. My dads dead and you expect me to cry over it? He was a drug addict and OD i dont care about him. Mom i trusted you but you told me its all a phase, you told me im not a boy and i cant like boys. You also told me i was lying when i told you about what he did to me. Why? why did i trust those people, people that i thought to be friends. I didnt do anything.Why are you calling me a fag for something i cant help? Why did you shove me why are you pushing me into the girls restroom. Why did you kick me. Why did you call me stupid and retarded? Mom your supposed to encourage me but when i said i was nervous about highschool you scoffed and said "If you even make it." I questioned you and you ranted about how my grades are low and you pressured me. You sent me to a mental ward. You gave me a therapist she lied to my face. The school counselor told me she believed me. She called my mom and said she doesnt think im really trans. I just want to end it all ive isolated myself. I feel better. Oh god everything is so bad im so paranoid about everything. Fuck fuck fuck fuck leave me alone! please i cant handle the nightmares. I cant handle any of it. Im so tired. I had a panic attack in class. Does nobody notice my anxiety? Why am i thinking about you? Stop it. No please. STOP please just let me forget you im so so tired. Dad, you let me almost drowned, you tried to kill mom and almost killed me. Im glad your dead. To my old step dad your not dead but you should rot in fucking hell. Im so alone. Highschool, college. My life doesnt even matter. i dont want to hear how im a burden i already know that.





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2 months ago

Re: Stop it stop reminding me please just stop

I don't think there is anything I can say besides from stay strong. I am gay too - well bisexual actually, and believe me when I say things are not easy. If you ask me, I think you need a fresh start. You need to start over, and let go of all the pain of the past. Try to hold on please, for the sake of a random person you have never met.


update. All i can think about is ending it all, im friend deprived and sad just sad the weekdays are so scary and ik that im not wanted bc i ruin everything with my anxiety and bipolar disorder. I just keep thinking about ending it end it. end it. just die. youd be better off dead. things arent getting easier. Im paranoid. Im sad. Im mad. Im irritated. it hurts so bad. It never stops hurting. My friends are ignoring me. what did i do wrong. god fucking christ why?