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I hate myself.

I let my body be shown with strangers, and my guilt is eating me for the past few days. They might think that I look like a normal person, but deep inside, I am not. I feel sick for showing my body to strangers online. I was born in a very conservative and religious family, but that didn't stop my conversations with some strangers from different parts of the world. Tbh, I just want a relationship w someone, not that kind of relationship they want. After they have seen me, and my body, they won't talk to me after. I really hate myself.

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Re: strangers

I have been there but in a little different situation. I used to talk with strangers. In a friendly way ofcourse, but i found someone..we talked a lot and i felt some connection between us. I felt like he is into me and he wanted to know more about me. And we exchanged our hangouts and we were talking daily for hours and hours. He was so nice to me. An year passed and i released i was having feeling towards him. I was falling in love . I wasn't sure about his feelings but i was falling in love and just like everyone who is love,i sacrificed my sleep,my time , even i skipped food just to talk with him because he was little busy with his studies so i wanted to make my time for him because i loved talking with him. And one day, our hormones weren't supporting us..we sexted.. honestly it was the first time i did sexting and it felt good with him. But i was scared too I didn't want us to sexting all the day. But he wanted to sext atleast once in a week. He used to tell me all those sugar coated things and i was blindly in love with him. And later he wanted to see me in inners. I was afraid to send such pictures to him but I didn't want to make him feel bad so i agreed. I did. And he was so happy to see me like that. And this continued with our sexting and sharing pictures. And this lead to something else. He wanted to see me with my bra off. I couldn't say no because i loved him . I did what he said and later he wanted to see me completely naked. He was happy and he said he trusts me more than anyone else in this world and he wants me in his life. I was so happy to hear all these. Because no one ever gave me attention before and no one said those words to me. I could do everything for him to make him smile. And you know what happened after that? Slowly, this connection started to fade away. The time he wanted to spent with me started to becoming less. Whenever i asked him what made you change, all he said was he can't be the same always. I felt so bad.

He stopped talking with me for days . Once he wanted to talk with me all day and now he doesn't like he used to. He started to change and i started feeling like he used me. He fucking used me!!! But i was so in love i was ready to forgive him and talk with him again. But he didn't want to. Days became weeks and weeks became months . We stopped talking. And i couldn't stop missing him and crying thinking about him. Everyday i wished to see his message that he wants to talk. But no. And finally i decided to talk with him and ask him one last question. "Did you miss me?"

Well, he said he doesn't have time to miss me he is busy with his life.

Idk how you will feel after hearing this but for me it was heartbreaking. I cried. I was waiting for him everyday and his reply made me numb. My feelings got numb.

After that day i never talked with him again. But , whenever i take off my clothes for a shower i started feeling disgusting by looking at my body. I used my body to please someone who doesn't even gave a fuck about me. All he did was enjoying the show. All i did was just love him . I started hating myself for doing this to me. I started hating myself for using my body . But dear, it takes time to move on. It really takes time. Trust me. I did move on. Now my goal is to focus on me. And show him someday how happy im in my life. Love is not about sharing nudes. I learnt.

If you love someone truly he won't ask for your body. He just needs you . Your love. So please dear, if you are reading this, please stop talking with strangers. You will find the right guy. Just like i did. He knows about everything yet he loves me unconditionally. He doesn't want me to go through the same pain again. And i am happy that he understands me. What i am trying to say is..there is someone for you too dear.. learn to wait and have patience ♥️

Hello. I've been in your situation and now I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum, so I think I can give you some advice. For the past year or so I have sexted a few guys. I have sent many nude videos on snap or had sex calls with random guys. They never ended well at first, and still don't usually, because I started to hate my body and would stop eating so that I would look good in photos. Very similarly to the first girl's comment. The guy usually only wanted to be freaky. These types of guys will have no respect for you and eventually become bored with you. If you want a real relationship and he wants a real relationship, he won't pressure you for nudes.

After a time of hating myself I became super woke and realized that I'm not a good girl. I'm aggressive. Now I'm the one hitting on guys online and asking for the nudes. I don't actually love these guys, but I tell them I do. Guys seem to be okay with sexting for a while and then having me ghost them. But as someone who understands you and is on the opposite side of the spectrum, you should only do those type of things if you actually enjoy it. It hurt me when I was younger because I felt pressured to do it. I do it now because I like sending nudes of myself and receiving them. Now it's a mutual thing. Don't ever send pictures of yourself if you're not enjoying it. It won't help you mentally or emotionally.