Struggle with BPD

Time Spent- 8m
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No matter what, i’ll always mean nothing to everyone. Life at this point isn’t even worth living if all I do is sit around and cry. I try so hard to get my life together but it always ends up crumbling around me. Nothing ever stays the way it is, everyone falls out of love with me, i can never get a job because no one ever replies. My entire family couldn’t care less if I died. I self harmed for the first time in months and it’s the only thing i’ve felt besides mentally sick. I just want to live a normal life but it’s too late. I should just end it all right here right now. But then everyone will just pretend like they cared and i don’t think they deserve that satisfaction