I am having a particularly hard OCD episode. Every year I host a family reunion with extended family on my Dad's side in June. I had done a small gathering since my grandfather died in 2013 as he did one on 4th of July prior to that and began having my Dad's extended family as well in 2017. It is really neat and exciting for me to do. Last summer I could not do it due to the pandemic. So this year I was looking forward to a party in June and thus a joyful memory throughout the summer. I tried telling myself "I can look forward to it" but I get nervous when looking forward and it is the post-party joy that I will miss this summer. Disappointment always turns to OCD.
So now it turns out a lot of people will be gone in June when I usually do it and so I am doing it in late August instead. Now where the OCD comes in is that since I will not have the good memory of it all summer my OCD says therefore "you cannot count it as a special summer since you won't have the family thrill".
Now I had a special family memory this past week starting off summer with a trip to Colorado for a funeral where I saw my Dad's cousins and their kids. However, none of my grandfather's children or grandchildren were able to make it and so my OCD says "this does not count because it is not your grandfather's family but only the extended part".
So I recognize this is my OCD but it is still there and it is like it is yelling in my ear loudly. I believe it and am trying not to. I am worried I will have a bad summer because of this.
A few years ago I had this party and my mood was low that day and so I had this same OCD attack and that time it was "you cannot count this as good since your momentary enjoyment was limited". That was 2018 and it was when doing this became an OCD issue. Anything special to me I become obsessed with. People in the family don't understand this and their solution is "well don't have the party then" or when Christmas is an OCD issue it is "well go away to a beach then and skip the holiday".
Any advise feel free to share. Thank you for reading.