stuck in the closet or church? maybe it's both

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I am a closeted bisexual girl living in a religious household, I've been going to church with my mom since I was in 4th grade and I hate it. Im scared that my mom will find out that I'm bi and send me to conversion therapy, (she told me that if I was ever gay she would send me). I don't know how to tell her that I don't like going to church or playing in worship (fun fact: I also play piano for the worship team haha), I want to stop going to church really badly but the last time I told my mom I didn't want to go to a service she forced me to go anyways and that night when we came back she said she forced me to go because "she loves me and she didn't want to go alone" (my dad doesn't like going to church), she hugged me as she said all this and I didn't know how to feel or react. This past year I've really been in a dark place due to this, all of my religious trauma that I pretended wasn't there or that I "overreacted" to is starting to catch up with and fucking with me. I've had thoughts of suicide and have even done self harm multiple times cause of this. I probably need therapy or help in general but that's not a privilege that I get to have right now (I'd have to come out for that), If I ever get sent to therapy it'll probably conversion LMFAO. I'll probably accept it too cause my mental health is getting really bad, that's a joke btw you can laugh.