It sucks.The constant pressure to achieve some goal The constant stress to be the bestTo live up to the 'standard' set for me Now it does seem like my fault coz i gave them good grades, good behaviour and now i hv to keep up with them.People have so many expectations, but they don't realize that i m barely surviving let alone accomplishing something. Somehow i make it through each day but the inner turmoil is so intense that i cant even cry anymore.I hv been bottling up everything since 4 years n hv been lying to myself that it will get better, it will be fine. But when? I hv a family that loves me and friends who adore me . I am such a godamm good liar that literally nobody has a clue that i hv mental health issues. I didn't realize when i became so good at acting n pretending that absolutely no one can see through the facade i put up everyday.Everyone has their hopes so high up fr me, i can't even imagine the disappointment on their faces when i will let them down and i kn i will coz i m crumbling underneath all this.I love my family and dont wanna be a burden more than i already am. They hv given me everything i ever wanted n needed. And i dont wanna seem ungrateful. I hv been an ideal child, topper of the class, respected elders, followed etiquette, never been in a relationship to distract me, never did drugs. But damm that's difficult to live up to now. And now days, i cant focus on studies, avoid social interaction, but always joke around , laugh, smile all the time and be a positive person fr everybody.I never asked fr this, i didn't ask to be alive, i should never have been born.U guys must be thinking i m an ungrateful , spoilt , pathetic child. I am not ungrateful or spoilt plz i m sorry, i cant thank them enough fr what they hv done fr me. I m very thankful fr such caring ppl. Its all my fault, i admit it completely, i m the damaged n broken one and i cant let them down even further telling them i m damaged n do self harm.The only reason i haven't considered suicide is coz i cant coz hurt them so much, i cant and wont cause them so much pain. Coz despite me being a pathetic excuse fr a daughter,friend,sister,niece,grand daughter; i kn they dont want me to die.