If only they knew, the way I feel. The feeling of loneliness, darkness and emptiness. If only they knew the way I think. Would they still love me? I'm scared of me. I don't know myself well enough to trust myself. I'm suffering silently most of my days, just so I don't hurt the people I love, but do they love me back? I guess I'll never fully know the answer to my question. I'm not normal. I am damaged. I seem to just know things I shouldn't and think things I shouldn't. I never used to be this way. I blame my mother. She died from Cancer, and I never had the chance to say goodbye. I miss her all the time. She's always on mind. And when she isn't, then something dark is. I can't bare to go on like this and I plan on leaving soon, but I stay, living another day just to help others. I hate myself and always will. I'm not the innocent, naive and selfish little girl anymore. I've changed into this emotional mess that will never be able to beat the game of life. I feel. And it fucking sucks. It doesn't matter how many times I cut my wrists and damage my body.. no pain can compare to the pain I feel in my heart. My broken, shattered and useless heart. That I try to stop using so much just to protect myself and to savour what is left of it. I'm not normal, but I'm okay with that. It just sucks that I'll never be able to change. Im stuck being the twisted, sad damaged teen with no parents that has many...many issues that can't ever be fixed.