I need to kill myself. I am a drain on everyone. I want to die so much but I think if I kill myself my bf will do it too. I'm damned if I do damned if I don't. I hate myself. Even my meds stopped working. No other meds work and if I have to go on others the hallucinations will come back and I'll have to be hospitalized indefinitely. I have no one to talk to. My doctor would make me go inpatient and I can't do that to my bf. I wish I'd have a heart attack or catch COVID so they can just take me the ventilator. I wish someone would murder me. I want to die so bad. I'm losing my car and storage unit with all my belongings in a week. We have 200 dollars to last til next Friday.