I became fascinated with the feeling of love not long ago. I had someone tell me that I was the first person they ever really loved. But I didn’t know. I said the words, i love you quickly thinking it was normal, and then I believed i did… love him. But then things started to change you see the words lost their meaning, and the feelings lost their feeling and i sat in dread as i had to tell him what was going on inside my head.
The feeling of hurting someone is one you’ll never forget. It caused me all this pain and regret. Before i knew it I was with him again, but never realized how bad it was. I wasn’t happy but put on a mask because I loved him… but maybe not.
I did indeed love him, but not in that same way, the feeling had dissipated and i stayed still. I hurt him again, but it hurt me too, and a lesson ill never learn. That it takes time to heal.
To fill the void I became numb, telling myself that every guy that walked past liked me, that if I changed my look became prettier, i would love myself. I would feel loved if someone else loved me. The love i had in that relationship was like no other. I never got that from my mom, or my family, their love was different but that feeling that a person would do anything for you, when my mom wouldn’t quit her bad habits, my grandma wouldn’t put me first, he did. But now. It’s gone, what some might have called love.