I hate myself so much! I hate everything about me! there's layers to the amount of pure despise I have for myself. appearance? God, don't even touch that with a 10 foot pole. my face is fucking stupid, it looks stupid when i'm sad, stupid when I'm happy, stupid when I'm focused. If it was only my appearance though, at least I could fucking avoid mirrors. What the fuck am i supposed to do about my stupid god damn personality? I hate the way I talk. And not just the way I talk, the way I think. I hate every little thing about me, it's ridiculous. I hate my interactions with other people, if I could prevent myself from ever saying another word, it wouldn't be enough, because I would still have to live with the torture of my own inner monologue. But you know what, maybe if I could stop running my mouth so much, at least someone could like me, because at this point, I'll never ever be able to like myself. Maybe that's why I'm so fucking materialistic now; I've got some delusion that I can make someone like me if i have style and shit. I'm so dumb. I can't do the bare minimum that is expected of a person. I barely work, and the money I make is spent on shit I don't need instead of being saved. I take pictures knowing I'll hate them. I open up knowing I'll hate myself afterwards. I'm truly unredeemable!!!I think that's why, so far, when I've opened up to the people around me, it has gone badly; i'm just unredeemable! There's nothing about me that is to like. Not one single thing. I wish I could lie to myself and think of one thing that makes me okay, but there just isn't a single thing. Now I've got this stupid wish that one day, I'll have a conversation with a person who understands me perfectly! They won't like me, because they understand, but the conversation will just make me feel better. That's so delusional, and unrealistic. the reason me opening up doesn't work isn't people, it's me. the comforts of others shouldn't sound so empy to me, but it does. I fucking hate this. I hate myself. I don't want to be here. I'll never want to be here. Why the fuck am I here. I can't bring happiness to others, I certainly can't bring it to myself I don't understand what do you want me to do what do you want me to do. please. just tell me what to do. please please please pleaseso many people kill themselves, why can't i?