Hi. Im a 15 year old fuck up. Ima guy, short and skinny, pretty unattractive, introverted and quite stupid. Ladies that see this, I am everything you don't want in a man... (except a racist and homophobic sense of humor and a big dick) I almost fail every academic class unless I take it again. I play way too many video games but I don't want to say addicted. I can't concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes until I open YouTube in another tab and tell myself that I'll study later. I end up just making a fool of myself. My parents, or at least my mom, used to think that I was smart but never tried in school, until I overheard her rant about me at 7 on the morning complaining why God gave her such a fucking idiot as a child and not a regular, smart, techsupport Indian child. Shit's stupid dawg. Btw, Im writing this after my mid-term report card came in saying I did not hand-in 8 out of 12 assignments, got a 10/20 on one test, 2/8 on the other and 8/26 I think, on the last. So as you can see I'm textbook retarded and as the last 4 years I got my PS taken away. In grade 8 I did one of the dumbest things one could do. Sell dope. Fucking hell, just mentioning it makes me cringe. I had hopped that if I sold, it would get me a lot of friends and I didn't care whether they would be close friends, I only cared about numbers. I also thought if I had a lot of money to burn on food I would be viewed as "cool". So I hope that you can imagine a conclusion of how I got caught, because I guarantee that your wrong. My mom found it and told the fucking school. Grade 9 wasn't so bad, I would come home everyday, depressed hoping that more people would like me. I dropped the friends I made from selling because my dad told me... Because my fucking dad told me. Priceless. I would come home and play fucking COD mobile because my PS was gone until summer break until I went to India, which was actually not bad. I also got really REALLY drunk at my friends apartment, again hoping that my actions would land me some 5 minute clout. My friend ended up saving my life because I fell near unconscious in the middle of the main road while he was walking me back. I had never had gotten drunk before and I had 7 or 8 shots of 60% vodka and a large class full of 45% rum. It's surprising how you can't taste it when your drunk. So I imagine you would understand how hungover I was. Skip to the now. Im depressed. My anger issues and pent up hatred has only turned into pain and I was thinking about death. No necessary committing the sudoku but death itself. I guess you can say, trying to fathom it. I want to fathom death and the nothingness that comes with it assuming. Assuming that there is no hell I will be going to. That's to good to be true... I want to convince myself that when I die, I wont have thins consciousness with me. I wont have anything because I don't exist I am nothing. Im not even matter. Don't say dark matter that's stupid. If I can convince myself of this deep topic, then maybe I can write some smartass suicide note and jump. Please if your going to reply with the whole don't kill yourself you family will be sad schtick. My family will be sad my ass, my dad for one I could agree with for once. This has gone on to long, time to play SWTOR when my parents think im doing homework. If you read this wow do you have time on your hands. Cya on the other side, thanks for letting me speak my mind this is a great website.