I feel sad!!
Thats it, just plain sad.
Like only sadness and not feeling well is the only thing there is.
On some days I am extremely happy and positive.
On days like today i blank out most of the time. Don't wanna feel anything other than sadness.
This deep shallow feeling is haunting me.
I wanna talk a lot but it feels selfish and sort of disturbing!!
Like It will ruin my image in front of everyone.
I saw this movie notebook. It was a Bollywood film. Really nice and precious to be honest.
Then my boyfriend was just asking if i could meet today.
I don't feel like going outside from past few months. So i refused him.
He was requesting me so sweetly and then something hit me.
Like a stone on my chest.
My heart was heavy.
I could speak but i didn't want to.
I just texted my boyfriend that wait, then i sent an audio in which i was speaking clearly.
While i was speaking it felt so heavy but when i heard it, it was completely normal.
I wanted him to realise that something was wrong with me. So i deleted that audio and spoke again in a broken voice.
I thought maybe he'll realise it this time. He didn't.
I gave up and laid down.
I felt like nothing in those moments and i slept for 20 mins approx.
It felt like ages honestly.
Since then i feel a pain in my chest.
Something doesn't seem right.
Tomorrow is monday i have to work and perform better than last week.
Right now it seems a little hard to me.
I hope I'll feel normal while talking soon atleast before tomorrow.