Recently, an old friend has reached out, let’s call him Mark, anyways I have known this guy for 10 years now. But let me back up and start from the beginning cause right now i need to get stuff off my chest. So 10 years ago I met Mark on my school bus. He had those bright blue eyes and that cricked smile. At first I was shy to talk to him, he was a grade or two older then me, but one day I just sat next to him. Mark always sat in the very last seat on the left side. I remember telling him he had the most beautiful eyes. Everyday I would race to the bus so I could sit next to him even tho I was only on the bus ride for 15 minutes till I got off. But those 15 minutes each day gave me more time to get to know Mark. After this has gone on for some time I told Mark how I felt that I liked him, but he didn’t like me (so I thought.) I would constantly hold his hands, and he never pulled away honestly, but he still wasn’t interested. I was a teenager, and I was stupid. Several different occasions we would just stare in each other’s eyes and talk. I tried kissing him so many times, but gave up eventually because it hurt knowing he didn’t like me like that. To know that I wasn’t beautiful enough or smart enough for him to notice me. Well half way thru the year, my family and I ended up moving away. Not far, but enough to know I wouldn’t get to see Mark anymore. Back then, Instagram and Facebook wasn’t too popular. We didn’t stay in contact.A few months later, I meet the perfect man, only problem was our age difference, but it never came between us an now we are getting married. We shall call him Henry. Henry and I have a wonderful relationship. We just celebrated 10 years together, but that’s not the problem. The problem is well...Mark. Since I have known Mark, he was someone who was so special to me. He was handsome as ever, very smart, and just made me laugh. Mark was the guy that kept to him self and focused on school, which was amazing because I was a nerd. I didn’t have many friends and didn’t want many friends, but something about Mark made me feel special. He always gave me butterflies and turned my cheeks red. Mark and I got back into contact a few years later. We mainly just said hello and asked how each other was doing, by this time, Mark was becoming a marine. He didn’t have much time to talk, but some part of me worried about him, still cared about him after all those years. But now the issues is, Mark reached out to me. And those butterflies came right back. He is so dorky in every beautiful way. Our conversation was going great, till he told me that I make him speechless and that he wished I kissed back on the bus. He said he wished he noticed that I was flirting with him and that I really liked him, that maybe things would be different now. That we could be together. Mark brought the past up that I have been trying to let go. He was the very first guy that I really had deep feelings for. Now I am with Henry and Mark is married. Why?! Why confess now that he has feelings for me?! Mark knew how I felt long ago, he knew that I loved him. And a part of me still does, but why put it in my head if you could go back in time he would kiss me. Why tell me this when he is so happy with his wife and looking forward to start a family with this girl. We can’t go back in time. But knowing all this makes my heart break all over again because I still love him. I love Henry so much and I can’t wait to say I do this year, but why do I feel this way about Mark?!