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The day I gave up on life

Loneliness. Everyone goes through it atleast once in their life. But my story is different. My loneliness isn't once in a lifetime feeling.

I had a normal life. Friends, school, family and myself. I used to watch cartoons that depict how to treat people. Not judging anyone by their appearance. I loved those. I was a kid.

I started growing up. School to Highschool. Highschool to College. College to University. Although I became older, I never lost the kid inside me. Believing that people are also happy when they see your success. People care for you when you care for them. But I was living in a false world created by me. And I learnt it the hard way.

As I grew up, I started having lesser friends. People just seem to go away from me. When you join a new college or school, you see people form a friend circle. I tried to be in one, but never seemed to fit any. I started feeling lonely.

As I grew older, like others, I started having crushes. Didn't approach anyone in the beginning though. Later as more and more people around me started to be in relationships, I thought it was time I face my fears. I tried making conversations, none would go for long. Then I expressed my feelings, having some hopes atleast. Rejected.

Things like this kept happening. Rejections became a common thing. I started feeling more lonely.

Then I realised. I'm ugly. When we were young, we made friends without judging anyone by their appearance. As we grow older, we start getting attracted to the beautiful ones. We become biased. We become judgmental.

I had nobody to talk to. No friends to tell my story. I started going into depression. Months and years passed. Nothing changed. The more people I tried to talk to, the more they would ignore me, the more lonely I would feel.

Then one day. I understood. This world is harsh to ugly people and kind to the beautiful ones. I had lost hope. I cried every night.

Not able to take any more, one night...

I got out of my bed and was about to climb to the rooftop , to end this life. I cried. I cried silently.

But suddenly, something popped into my mind. My parents.

They have worked hard to let me live till now. They're the only ones who cared for me. They're the only ones who didn't judge my appearance. They're the only ones who were happy with my success and sad with my sorrows. I couldn't shatter their hopes. I couldn't imagine their face the next day, if I did what I was about to do.

I realised that caring for people who don't care about you only gives you sadness. I went back to bed.

I'm still lonely. I have a few friends who only talk to me when they need me for something. I won't give up on life, neither did Jesus. He lived for others and gave his life for us, so that we don't have to pay for our sins. I'll not let His sacrifice go in vain. I'll live for people who care for me. I'll live for my parents.

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Re: The day I gave up on life

You know what I don’t have to know you to know you are a beautiful soul. Some People are cruel, selfish, superficial And then there are people like you . Just remember there’s nothing wrong with you there’s something wrong with them. I’ve had some level of depression for most of my life. I have insecurities. My father made me feel like I was worthless and I have tolerated a lot from people that I shouldn’t have. Intellectually I know I’m better than that but sometimes I still don’t think I’m worthy a real love, loyal friends, happiness. But I am. And you are. I’m a good person and I think you are too. The truth is that looks or just the pretty wrapping paper. The true Gift is on the inside. You are the gift. I don’t have to know you to care about you so I want to tell you I love you and keep hanging in there because you’re worth it. I wish there was a way to bring all the lonely beautiful people together so we could lift each other up. I want to lift you up. You’re worth it