I scored less even though I studied. I am struggling to find purpose and anger and sadness just piles up. I am having a setback ... i want to come out of this dump, i'm trying ... but it is hard. I am not in touch with many people ... everyone expects productivity. I try. But i've lost confidence in my abilities. I try to be strong. I do appear strong. But I'm shattered inside. I can't find that silver lining to pull me out of this dump so i can rebuild myself.
Re: The dump...
You remind me a lot of my brother.
He's 19 and just got his S.A.T results a few days ago. To his surprise he didn't get the score he was expecting. He is really disappointed of himself at the moment and hasn't come out of his room in 2 days.
Just like you, he's struggling with finding a purpose in his life, mostly because he doesn't really have a plan for his future, nor does he know what job he wants to have. I don't know if you are, but my brother is actually severely depressed and lonely. He hasn't been productive since the age of 17 and has kind of lost motivation to live. He attempted suicide, cut himself etc.
But regardless of all that I believe that he'll wake up at some point and realize that he has so much ahead of him. So many opportunities await him and I can't wait to see him finally happy.
What I'm trying to tell you is that there's still time. You need to take some time to really think about what you want in life. You will get out of this dump at some point and there is hope at the other end.
If you feel like you're fighting in vain and nothing seems to work out in your favor. If you think there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Please do not give up. Success is created with hard work, tears and even stress and moments of darkness.
Think about it this way: you are on your way to success. It's your destination. This is your first obstacle. Your first challenge. You fight through and get out of it, and get going. You ignore negative thoughts and think problems through. You are one dump closer to a happy ending. And you will reach your goal, regardless of what it is.
I wish you the best of luck. I have hope that you'll succeed. :)