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The life of a high school senior in a pandemic

Hi, I’m a rising high school senior in the south US. I’ve been out of school for over six months. I haven’t spoken to any of my friends since March. No one reached out to me. My father passed away when I was in middle school and my mom remarried and I live with her and my stepfather. They don’t have a good relationship and and my home life is so tumultuous. Before the outbreak in the US, I was active, I had friends, I felt happy and healthy. Currently I do nothing, I wake up at 7pm like I do every day. I’m severely depressed, and right now I feel like I’m drowning. I found out a few weeks back that I have a lifetime disease. I’m determined to go back to school a week from now. And seeing how schools reopening has been going, I can tell it’s not going to be good. I’m willing to risk my own life (I’m immune compromised because I have asthma and this disease) and I’m going to be walking into a war zone of potentially infected people. I want my life back. My last year of my adolescence and this is how I spend it. Depressed, shut in, and chronically ill, scared of anything different. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. It sounds so selfish to say that I want interaction that bad, but the people who would call me special got to experience their senior year, they got to go to prom, walk the stage, experience friends. I feel alone, like I’m worthless, and so desperate for attention that I’d rather catch a deadly virus than have to stay at home isolated and around screaming and throwing things. I just want everything to stop. I hate everything I used to love. What the fuck happened to me. I feel like a shell of a person of who I used to be. I’m not happy, I’m not healthy, I look so sick and it’s hard for me to even get up to shower without crying. No one can understand that