I cant describe how much pain im in currently. I moved to massachusetts and left everything and now I feel nothing. I got all these shitty dating apps that work for my friends and stuff but never me which just makes me feel unlovable. I cant seem to find a place I belong and feel happy in. Also my best friend (my sister) just moved back to illinois today and my hearts broken. Im gonna describe a story that makes no sense and is so fucking stupid but it made me nearly cry at work which says a lot because I hardly ever cry anymore. I always got ice cream for my sister at the end of my shifts because I work at an ice cream place and I can get one large cup of ice cream at the ends of my shifts and I was nearing the end of my shift and completely forgot shes completely gone and I started scooping ice cream and my manager said "is that for ur sister" and I was like yeah! and i felt so silly like all the color completely evaporated from my face when I realized she wasnt even there. I know its silly how much I loved to give her ice cream but it made her so happy. I just miss her man I know no one ever reads these things but I just wanna know if im alone in the world because im filled to the brink with so much loneliness and depression I just wanna know if anyone cares anymore. I cant believe I am actually sobbing over giving my sister ice cream I have no idea why it made me so sad today but I guess I just realized I am so very truly alone without her and even the simple little things that made me happy like that are completely gone for the time being. I need a reason to keep going.