I've not only grown to have a general distaste for my life as it currently is, but I deeply loathe every aspect of it. I'm constantly isolated and misunderstood, but I am facing abuse in essentially all realms you could think of, in nearly all areas of my life. At work they abuse labour laws and use COVID as an enforcer to ensure we comply with dangerous and all around unreasonable rules (e.g they use fear mongering to scare us into thinking they can control our compensation on things like sick days of we're found "not truly being sick", forcing longer shifts on already over worked staff and rarely alloting overtime or even the proper protection most times.).I don't have any other opportunities of employment, and while I do deeply care about what I do (I work for an emergency services and homeless shelter organization in North America), I am even experiencing multiple physical injuries from fatigue, poor training, and little to no support from upper management. On top of all this, because the pay, even with a second job working as a construction labourer, I can't afford to move out on my own and am trapped living with an abusive father. I've actually compared him to Charles Manson in many discussions about him, if that paints a picture, but instead of acid and peyote, he has attempted to get me hooked on drugs like Crystal meth to then establish a further dependency on him so I don't leave. The friends I have don't seem to know how to/ want to help me, and the situation with most of the rest of my family is not much better as he truly is a sociopathic narcissist, and is very good at manipulating them into thinking I'm either joking, lying, or over exaggerating. I'm a legal adult in my country so children's services can't get involved, and it seems like the police where I live really don't care at all about public safety, just heavy handed patrols and antagonizing the homeless population where I work, and using their sirens to by pass busy traffic (I'm sure not all of them, but most in my city). I feel so lost, like I'm never safe. I feel such a deep rage built from so much pent up pain, that on a nightly basis I have turned to drinking and weed to dull the pain, but it's less and less "helpful" every time. I've started using self harm as a coping method again, and often think that maybe I should just kill myself. I really don't have anyone in regards of to someone to even just to talk to. I'm so terrified of what might happen every day and obsess over how everything could be so much worse if I slip up somehow. I'm depressed, anxious, and trapped, all the time. I know there's nothing anyone here can do, I just desperately wanted to vent about it.