I'm really mad right now at my father, my sister and my sister's boyfriend (BF), because one becomes aggressive extremely fast but only if it's private, one thinks talking will solve everything and the last one has limited information but is very judgmental.The BF has been in my family's life for over a year. And one of the first things which drove me mad is how he judged the relationship between my father and I almost instantly, based on what he observed the first few times he visited us with my sister. Bf witnessed the following:Me, the eldest daugther, being a real bitch and being unreasonably pissed off and out for a verbal fight with my father during the whole day.My father, apologetic and really mellow, a wonderful host, more of a weak-willed, nervous softie.So, ofc, the BF decided that I tend to bitch about nothing and that I'm out to verbally destroy my father at every opportunity without reason.And I'm so fucking frustrated. My father always appears like a totally nice dude towards family friends or guests. So when I finally told a female friend, who wisher my father was her father, how my father grabbed my neck like a vice to forcefully push me towards the couch after pouring water over my head as a joke the other day, she was extremely shocked. And I guess I can even be glad if she believed me, because my father doesn't seem like someone who gets violent. Oh, and he told me to not test his patience or he'd lose it after pushing me.But the truth is that he seems to have some undiagnosed psychological problem. He gets angry extremely easily. He gets aggressive very, very fast at the smallest of things.There were instances when I had to physically hold him back from bashing some stranger's face in - some of them might have been minors.A few times a year he'd hit me or threaten to hit me. He made it very clear that it's on me to not provoke him into hitting me. But he never hit anyone else in the family - only me. Whenever he shouts and becomes aggressive, I start sweating like crazy and freeze up. I haven't shouted back at him in years - to not provoke him.But he is lazy af. He lies and manipulates constantly. He rewrites reality as he sees fit. He is a dangerous driver, who doesn't care if the others in the car are actually scared for their lives. If he's lost it, he might smash the furniture. He destroyed a chair and one or two doors this way.Sometimes, he acts in extreme ways. My shoes are where he suddenly thinks they shouldn't be? He throws them in the aquarium. My brush? He throws it into the bushes. These are actually the smallest things.As daughters, we are not to criticize him. Not for all the money he lost with stocks. Not on his unhealthy choices. Not on his lies. Not on how he uses us as emotional dumbsters for his anger. Not how he only remembers how he is a Christian if he can use it against us. Not on how he aggressively pushed (almost too nice a term) the cat from the table, because he didn't want her there. Not how he neglects his own sister and elderly mother - only to do the bare minimum to seem like the good son - while blaming the rest of the family for not spending more time with them (lies, btw).I hate being powerless so much. I can't stand him and his behavior. His dangerous mood swings. I have seen him crying sometimes, after he hit me or he did something else unreasonably aggresive. But he never changes.He twists every word I or some others say. He remembers things as he wants to remember them. My mother agrees that he somehow made be into the villain of his life. Yesterday, it was my mother who finally snapped (extremely rare) and told him loudly where to shove it. But today, somehow it's only me he's angry at? He only became aggressive and verbally threatening, because I started it, even when I really didn't? As I said, I haven't shouted back in years. It's bizzare. It's worrying. Sometimes it scares me how he twists reality. And I can be glad, that my mother finally recognized his behavior patterns. After so many past instances in which I had to beg everyone to please believe my version of truth, and mostly losing (because I'm the daughter and he's the father), it is such a relief to have more people, who know his manipulations and, frankly, gaslighting, if I can say that.Is that gaslighting? I don't know. Sometimes it feels that way. I mean, look at this. I'm writing this down because I got into the habit - if I can't remember the exact way things went down, I'll have a big, big problem. He'll lie. He'll claim it was totally different. He's the victim. He only defended himself. And he did this, because I provoced him and he had no other choice but to react like this. And somehow, the truth will be lost in all his shouting and threatening.And the BF. He's convinced that I'm a hysterical femi-nazi, who exaggerates everything. I often vent to my sister if something occurs with my father, because she does know, to a more limited extend, what he's like. The BF overhears and often comments that it's not that big of a deal. And my sister gets influenced by the BF's comments - suddenly she claims that we all just need to listen to my father, to really listen, to clearly discuss the situation and then my father will change his behavior.No. He will not. I tried, years ago. He threatened to hit me and forgot ever doing so. My mother tried, more subtly, for many years. Patiently explaining my father his own behavioral patterns, his double standards, our lived reality vs. his reality. It never works. Instead, he'll shout, throw something, threaten or drive dangerously. And when all else fails, he will claim to be near a heart attack or cry that he's sorry.And if I don't forgive him immediately, he'll shout and threaten me again. Stupid BF. Really, fuck you. And my father, too.Thank you for reading. If you want, please tell me if this counts as gaslighting.