the one that got away...

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he lived in north carolina and i lived in new jersey. we met on twitter, either in 2010 or 2011. he asked me if he could message me on my BBM pin, lol. he was PERFECT, to me. and over the years, we talked regularly via text, phone call and facetime with high anticipations on meeting up. FOR YEARS, we got to know each other, to the point where we exchanged "i love you"'s and things got serious. i had to go to north carolina for a wedding in 2018 and we met in person for the first and only time! he was everything i imagined him to be.. (slightly shorter though.. lol) and we had a great time. we kissed and it was like magic. but he asked me why am i not emotionally ready to date or for a relationship.. i didn't have an answer. today, i know what the answer is. i didn't love myself. i didn't think that i was worthy of love. i didn't think that i was a person who deserved love. i didn't see myself having a 'typical' future, at all, not even just with him. of course, i couldn't produce those answers to him but it was the underlying truth. shortly after we met up, he started seriously dating someone else and ended up getting married. this post is not to say anything bad about their marriage. this post is to say that sometimes it takes a situation like this to open your eyes and realize your worth. he will always have a piece of my heart, no matter where he is.