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The only people who have ever loved me were predators.

I’m 24 years old. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve never had a real romantic relationship.

The only people who ever romantically/sexually had interest in me were predators. When I was 6, it was a guy in the park. When I was 12 it was a guy in the library who forced me to hug him and asked for my phone number and wanted to “get to know me”. When I was 14, I became friends with a woman on the Internet who was an adult who groomed me and pressured me into being with her. I thought I liked her, but I could feel something was deeply wrong as she kept pushing me to talk about sexual things. When I was 16, someone grabbed me and forcefully kissed me at an event.

I’ve been romantically stunted. I spent 6 years in college, never dated. Never allowed myself to touch anyone, barely hugged anyone, never kissed anyone. I’m an adult now. I could probably (post pandemic) hook up if I tried? But that’s so off limits in my mind. I don’t even know where to start. It inherently feels so dangerous.

And now, I’m talking with strangers online on things like Omegle to feel like I’m getting that sexual experience, but... That feels like I’m using it as a bad coping mechanism. I’m letting myself get used by strangers because it’s all I know. I don’t know how to stop and to cope healthier...

Someday in the future, I’m going to find a girl to date, I don’t think I’m completely hopeless there, but... How do I tell a girl that I’m 24 and have never had sex? Never kissed someone and meant it? I’ve never had the chance to explore that like a normal person without my history and anxiety hanging over me... I feel so unlovable. My brain is just steadfast in that the only people who will ever love me will be predators. Like it’s a fact in my mind now... And of course that affects how I conduct myself in relationships too... I don’t know. If anyone could spare a bit of advice or kindness... I would appreciate it.

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Re: The only people who have ever loved me were predators.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. And you are not responsible for those sexual harassments that you have faced. In fact, my story is just same although I am a girl. Yes, I am younger than you but I can still relate to your story. When I was eight, a boy used to harass me, grabbing my dress and hands. At the age of nine, a girl took me to the dark, empty classroom and forcefully tried to kiss me. When I turned twelve, I got constantly bullied two men. They used to making obscene jokes on me. Later, tons of people liked me, tons of people had crush on me but I did not like that. They were just behaving like predators. When I was sixteen boys used to follow me, roam around my house and I felt miserable. I do not even have that kind of 'attractive' figure, rather I look innocent or maybe 'sweet', according to some people. Then when I turned eighteen a man had a peculiar interest on me. He used journey with me through whatever public transportation I used ... he sat beside me, touched my elbow, sometimes my shoulders... and I couldn't tell anybody the truth. You know what, people even call me from unknown numbers and make pornographic statements. I don't know why these happen... and being an introvert, I can not confess to people my feelings. I have never talked to people who have had crush on me and I have never been in any relationship. So, from my perspective I can tell you one thing, don't put much emphasis on 'sex'. It seems like, you are not that much comfortable with 'sex'. Are you sure that you are not asexual or demisexual? Maybe you have to date somebody one day, but you can focus more on your personality. You can tell them that what you feel. I personally think that, being 'sexually comfortable' is not all we gain from life. Past oppressions influence people. And in this world of globalization, many people are extremely efficient in 'having sex', but only few know about 'making love'. And one thing more... your sexual potency or preferences can not decide who you are. Date people only when you feel comfortable, love yourself and be confident...you are alright. Thanks for reading.