My boyfriend came home from work. No smiles, but he did bring me food. He managed a laugh at a stupid show on hulu. Why do I keep feeling like something is wrong? I look at his face and see only stress and unhappiness. There is a darkness looming and I can't tell which one of us it hangs over. I need his smile. I need his laughter. I need his embrace. I need something to let me know it's okay. I only wish for his happiness. I want to be the one to make him happy but my efforts seem to sap the very life from him. Hospital visits, mental breakdowns, constant worry, I feel like I'm falling into a deep abyss and I'm only dragging him down with me. I wish I were better.