\tI had dated this girl; she was gorgeous. She had bright blue eyes with a small hint of green, stood 5'9, her hips were full, her cheeks were chubby and rosy, the cutest nose; almost identical to that of a bunny. Every time she hugged me she held my small and slender body close in her embrace; she'd even run her fingers through my short black hair. Being with her was the most incredible feeling I have ever experienced in my 16 years of living.\tI'm none more than a young boy; a boy born in the wrong body, but with the right mind. Her parents hated me because of my anatomy.\tEvery single time we were together, I felt safe in her arms. It was soon after her diagnosis with manic depression and schizophrenia that she had decided to cut ties with me and found berried feelings for a girl 30 hours away. Time passed and we had gone in and out of the relationship on a few different occasions; the last nearly ending in an attempt on my behalf in utter fear of being without her again.\tIt has been 4 months without her again. She appears in my dreams nightly; sometimes rejecting me and others wanting none other than to be hand in hand. I don't know if I miss her or miss what she gave me. The love she gave me was the only I had ever experienced face to face. I still contemplate ending it all everyday - not only for her, but to see who would and wouldn't care.\tI know how pitiful it sounds; disgraceful, even. I can't help but reminisce it all when it was all I've been holding onto. I still listen to a breakup playlist we had decided to make to share. We've had a few discussions recently about how I still feel for her. She tries to brush it off - even say it hurts her that she doesn't feel the same anymore. \tI don't know what it says about me for holding on and still thinking about her everyday aside from that I'm perhaps a loser with attachment problems, but at this point I feel comatose.