It’s raining at the moment. The loud booming sound of the thunder right now doesn’t scare me at all. It somehow reminds me of how my thoughts are being perceived as of today.
I’ve been going through something so difficult because of this damned pandemic. Having a dysfunctional parent made an impact to me yesterday by saying “I’m actually worried about whether or not you have a future because of everything that has happened.” I wanted to say that I knew that but I couldn’t. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.
All my life I’ve always wanted to be an architect. I’m in my final stages of my sophomore year. I’ve fought hard for me to pursue this course because no one does art in this family and make it as their source of living. No one really ever believes that I could actually make it this far. And I wonder if I actually really made the right choice. I’m not that great in making designs, I render plans poorly, my professor has questioned my choice of taking this profession when she had checked my plate.
I’m also in this site because I really have no one to turn to. Imagine my boyfriend is ignoring and avoiding me for more than a week and I don’t even know what I did wrong. My friends have better things to do than to listen to my rants and leave my messages on their inbox or would rather spend their time with their lovers instead. Family is out of the question because they’re all busy and if there’s a rule in this house that if you cry, you’re the weakest and we get punished for that.. so much.