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The start of self destruct

A year ago I was raped in an apartment I had to be in for work. I told my boss, was pretty much told by the police not to pursue charges. And everyone believed I was fine. Ever since then I've been self sabotaging. I've ruined my relationship, I've stopped looking after myself. I have done everything I'm capable of not to be attractive. And now all I see when I look in the mirror is a disgusting person that Is fat and horrid. And everytime someone calls me beautiful I feel like I've failed and I take another step to feel less attractive and hate myself even more.