To be honest, I've been saying things like "im okay!" "I'm fine!" "I'm great" since I was in the 2-3rd grade so around 8 years old, right now I am in 7th grade. So, as you can see, I've never really said what I really feel, and its always been nabbing at the back of my head with the rest of the thoughts I want to keep hidden. I've always sort of pushed the feeling down, and because of that constant denial of feelings, I've never really felt happy, its always the feeling that I should be happy, yk? So, all I want to say is the truth about what I'm feeling for once in my life. Now, I know all of this must sound really pathetic coming from such a young person, but I just can't hold it in anymore, I've been hurt constantly (not physically, thank god), and one of the things I learned from the many hurtful things is, never say what you're feeling, never say your opinion, just agree. I'm pretty sure that's some messed up thinking but it's what I learned. Whenever I try to do what's right by saying what I think, it always backfires, and someone ends up getting hurt, which is almost always me.
I'm not okay, I'm not fine, I'm hurt, and I feel like I'm suffocating.