I always thought the voices in my head were wrong and I was just putting words in my families mouths....I guess I was wrong. I heard things that I would NEVER imagine any of them would say. I imagined them saying things like; wishing I was different, how I'm a disgrace, I should be ashamed of myself, I make life difficult, they don't love me only pity me, they only care cause I'm "family"; the usual. I overheard them talking, I don't know if the knew or thought I would chalk it up to the voices, but the things they said....I wish I didn't. I can only hear my little sister telling me she wished she could trade me for our brother who never made it past the womb. Our other sister telling me she wished I had succeeded in one of my attempts. I know I'm not as good of a person as some believe but now I'm just a living embodiment of my self-hatred that's hurting others. They would never say something like that if it wasn't true. I pushed them to hate me so much by just existing that they think that without a doubt. They're right...God they are right. It's not day by day, it never was for me, I knew I'd never outlive my birth dad. I need to settle things first so they don't feel guilty once I'm gone. I'm only worried for 3 my mom, my nephew and my cat. My mom would probably take my cat but my nephew....I can't hold on anymore. I'm going to finish things and tie loose ends this next year. Hopefully sooner but once it's done, I'm following my father's foot steps. My family doesn't need this disgrace anymore.