I was molested by a 70 year old man when i was 6. Groped by a man pretending to be my father's friend. Molested by strangers throughout my teenage years.
I had forgotten them for sometime. I had buried them and blocked them in my memories.
Past few months, they started cropping back up. And now I can't sleep. I close my eyes, all these men haunt me, and I feel they are going to find me again.
I get nightmares, barely sleep for 3-4 hours. I started thinking about ways I could have killed those men when those things happened to me. I also started imagining that I should have just carried a knife with me back then.
I had to stop these violent thoughts and I was thinking of self-harm. I could not bring myself to share this with anyone.
To stop myself from taking extreme steps, I went online to one of the anonymous chat rooms to talk about it.
The Listener was very supportive and told me they are all ears.
The person got me to open up and when i described my horrid feeling, the listener turned out to be a pervert.
I am just so sick of this world.
How can people turn out to be so evil?
Why can't you protect a little girl?
Why do you feel the need to take advantage of minors?
Why did you have to rob her of her innocence?
Why did you have to destroy her life?
Why can't you feel empathy?
Why can't you understand what people are going through?
The world sickens me. And I can do is pray for a horrific death to all those evil forces who make this world miserable.