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they just don't see it

hi to all the wonderful people reading this,


i know that i dont have the worst story ever but i am broken and hurt. at my school i am known as the girl everyone knows and talks to, i am approachable, funny, kind and always happy. some people talk to me about their pain and problems and i listen. they say thanks for listening and i nod and talk to them about random stuff. watching my friends go through pain and all that makes my heart break. the thing is, is that they think i have the most perfect life anyone could ask for. that i have no problems at all. i dont tell them my problems and pain because im not good at expressing my feelings. they dont know that i have massive insecurities. they dont know that i am crying lakes at night. i havent told my parents because they will probably say that im over exaggerating.


i feel like i cant tell anyone because they wont understand. if you havent seen the movie called the DUFF, it stands for Designed Ugly Fat Friend. every single friend group i go to i am the DUFF. i am so suicidal and i dont know what to do anymore. but i know that i cant kill myself because i worry about my family, friends, besties and people i am close to might go through. my mum always tells me that you have to be comfortable in your own skin. im not. i am not comfortable with my personality, my body and my life in general.


i dont know how to know if you have depression but i have been feeling this way since year 4. I am now in year 6. i guess i just have to put a face on and act. people never know what people are going through. people dont know what other people are doing at night.


from a 11 year old girl


anonymous 



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Re: they just don't see it

first of all lemme just say, You are extremely mature for such a young girl!! I wish that I was that mature at 11. I am now 14 and completely understand every single damn thing you just said:(


I wish I could say that I dont relate that I will be here to listen. but nah, I have been through so much its hard to say that I will ever not be able to relate to someone.


I wanna say that what your saying, it doesnt make you a bad person at all. You were correct and it hit very hard when you said, "at my school i am known as the girl everyone knows and talks to, i am approachable, funny, kind and always happy. some people talk to me about their pain and problems and i listen. they say thanks for listening and i nod and talk to them about random stuff. watching my friends go through pain and all that makes my heart break. the thing is, is that they think i have the most perfect life anyone could ask for. that i have no problems at all. i dont tell them my problems and pain because im not good at expressing my feelings. they dont know that i have massive insecurities. they dont know that i am crying lakes at night."


all of that.. every single sentence. I felt all the emotion all the pain, all the heartbreak, all the love, all the empathetic, and all that energy. I just consumed it and immediately felt connected with you.(no not in a bad way or negaitive way, im a good person i promise lol, I said that because if someone said that to me I would be very hesitant and wouldnt want to read anymore lmao) As I said, I related to all of that so very hard:(


I know what your going through, dont kill yourself, I know you probably think about doing it every night. I do also. I know that its hard, but like you said, there is always going to be one person that is sad that you did that to yourself:( I mean that really is sad, just thinking about it makes me wanna cry..


anyways, if you want to talk more about this you contact me at my gmail at nevaehd7601@gmail.com I would be happy to talk to you more about anything okay?