a month ago
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Thing that i want to tell someone who will understand me

Just some confession that deep in my heart

Im in love with my own childhood friend. I miss her its been 8 years since i dont see her neither know where she is now all i can hope she is always safe. Even tho i found her it maybe gonna be awkward.

Another thing is i have pornograhy addiction since kid and i have doing some sexual interection with my own uncle when i was kid i really regret it i can't stop blaming myself now when i grown up and know what does all it mean i can't stop thinking about it. When i found porn for the first time when kid i find it so intersting and feel good but now i always feel guilty

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a month ago

Re: Thing that i want to tell someone who will understand me

The first paragraph is cute haha. First love just comes and goes. You'll meet again someday.

But the second one, I'm so sorry that happened to you. You were just a child and you have absolutely to reason to blame yourself because you were taken advantage of. The uncle was the adult in the situation and I cannot even describe what a horrible thing he did to you. He deserves to be locked up. By any chance, does anyone else in your family know about that? Because feelings of self-blame often comes from hiding it and not exposing the perpetrator. I would really suggest opening up to someone you trust about it or to a therapist, although I understand if it's really difficult to tell anyone because as you said, you were just a child and that's scary, especially if no one was there to catch him in the act. You should never blame yourself for it, because remember that you're the victim.

As for the pornography addiction, I relate a bit since I also discovered porn very early on in childhood, and through exposure from my older friends. I felt guilt for feeling pleasure from it as well since I know shouldn't even be too aware of it and doing sexual things since I was still just child. I even felt disgust not only to myself, but also to those friends who introduced it to me too early. But it is how it became and I suggest you go to a professional about it, since it involves your mental state and there's really no stopping those impulses unless there's a help from someone else and give you advice on it. Religion might also play a factor in your feelings of guilt, especially if it's one that taboos any sexual activity and thoughts. I'm a Catholic adult now and I feel less obsessed with porn and comfortable enough with my sexuality that I don't feel as guilty as I was before, although some feelings linger. Still, I did not experience the sexual harassment/rape that you had so I don't know the extent of your pain, although I feel some of it. I really suggest talking about it to someone, as I said, a therapist or a trusted person.

I'm no therapist by the way and I just wanted to give my opinion so I'm sorry if anything I've said is insensitive. I hope for the best for you and your mental health.