words cannot describe how much i love you. its destroying me every single day, because you couldn’t care less about me and I’m not a priority in your life. but i would much rather get my heart broken every single day while STILL being with you than lose you altogether. so I’m keeping this bottled up. nobody knows the extent to how much i love you. i wanna say it so bad. i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you… but i hate you. i hate how you don’t pay any attention to me. i hate how you still talk to other girls like i don’t exist. i hate how you keep us a secret. i hate how you’re embarrassed of me. i hate how you never do the little things. i hate how you don’t call me baby anymore. i hate how you leave me questioning my worth every single night, making my preexisting self hatred even worse. i hate how you don’t initiate things anymore, other than sex. i hate how you don’t see how much i care about you, or maybe you do. but you just don’t care. i hate how you won’t commit. i hate how you no longer FaceTime me. i hate how you don't swipe up on my pics anymore. i hate how you always leave me on delivered after every single snap. i hate how i am always left wondering when you will finally leave me. i hate how you don’t see a future with me. i hate how you never want to celebrate another month of us "being together". i hate how i am always your last option. i hate how you never ask about my day. i hate how you post pics and vids of you with your female friends on your stories. i hate how you never tell me to drive safe anymore. i hate how nonchalant you are. i hate how you don’t want to learn more about me. i hate how you can’t open up. i hate how shallow you are. i hate your lack of emotion. i hate how everything is sexual. i hate how you only pay attention to me during sex, or when I’m sucking your dick, or when I’m naked. i hate how rude you are when we are with my friends. i hate how we don’t cuddle on the couch watching tv anymore. i hate how you don’t grab my thigh anymore when driving. i hate how you’re always on your phone when we’re together. i hate accidentally seeing your flirtatious texts with other girls when you open their snaps. i hate how you once used to take pics of me lying on your chest, but now you don’t. i hate how you don't send me tiktoks/ig posts that remind you of me anymore. i hate how you’re oblivious to the fact that i am completely heartbroken. i hate how you never once texted me a paragraph telling me how you feel. i hate how you no longer hold my hand, even in private. i hate how you just don’t look at me anymore. i hate how the sparks are gone for you. i hate how you don’t start conversations anymore. i hate how you never notice anything. i hate how you always make sure that I’m not in frame of the picture when you snap people. i hate how you never give me a hug. i hate how you give me quick kisses after walking me out to my car, looking around making sure your neighbors don’t see. i hate how close you are with your ex. i hate how you secretly hang out with her even though she is in a relationship with a guy who loves her deeply. i hate how you condone cheating. i hate how you cheated on me in the beginning of this. i hate how dry you are.i hate how dismissive you are. i hate how you don’t look in my eyes anymore. i hate how much you have changed. i hate how you talk about other girls bodies in front of me, how they’re hot and slim thick and shit, when you don’t even bother complimenting me. i hate how you don’t call me beautiful anymore. i hate how you never took me out on a proper date. i hate how you never offer to pay for food/coffee. i hate how you don’t invite me out with you. i hate how you don’t introduce me to your friends. i hate the fact that you make me question how many other girls there are. i hate how you have never posted me. i hate the way you make me hate myself. i hate how you strung me along for almost a year, with no progress. i hate how you make me want to die. i hate so many things. especially, i hate how much you hate me. but i love you. i love every single thing about you, no matter how much it hurts. i always will. and what hurts the most is that you will never know. even if you did, you wouldn’t care.