i just feel hurt. i sometimes feel like there's always something that's wrong with me, no matter how much i grow and try to learn from my mistakes. my mom and dad have always pounded into my head that i need to be better, and that my mistakes reflect who i am as a person, and now that i am an adult its hurting me. my teachers too, it's translated into anyone who is older than me, i feel like i constantly have to prove these invisible notions that i am not lazy, that i actually do pay attention, and that i actually do care. it's like people always get these notions in my professional career even though i work my ass off trying to correct them. i know what happened wasn't my fault, it's miscommunication, but whenever i speak to someone, i always feel like it will be time before they get mad at me, before they realize and judge me on their ideas that i am lazy, that i don't pay attention, and that i don't care. i hate how my parents and my teachers from my 12 years of elementary school have drilled this in my brain, and because of this i feel so gross inside, like i'm unable to advance myself professionally. i can't help but feel that everything that happens in my professional career is my fault, and i just can't escape myself. why do such small remarks and comments make me feel so hurt? it makes me squirm inside and i want to rip my hair out over it.