My nephew died. And then my friend died. I don’t know if it has ‘sunk in’ yet. I think about it, question it, try and make sense of death when I can’t even comprehend it, make peace with it. Make peace with it... What do people mean by that? When do you ever stop grieving? You can deal with things, sleep, eat, hold on to memories, use your pain to try and navigate life. But it always hurts. So what do people mean by that? The pain is good sometimes, feeling something is always good because when the days come when you don’t feel anything and you have a real talk with yourself about the things you are sad about and the people you have loved - feeling numb makes you feel guilt, it’s weird. I’m not unhappy by any means, I don’t think I’m a particularly good person, but I do good things sometimes and I love people and people love me and this is why death doesn’t scare me but also absolutely terrifies me. I miss my friend, so so so much. I never got to meet my nephew, but the grief my sister felt- I felt that too. I don’t know. Strange thing, death.