4 months ago
Time Spent- 2h 31m
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Thinking

My nephew died. And then my friend died. I don’t know if it has ‘sunk in’ yet. I think about it, question it, try and make sense of death when I can’t even comprehend it, make peace with it. Make peace with it... What do people mean by that? When do you ever stop grieving? You can deal with things, sleep, eat, hold on to memories, use your pain to try and navigate life. But it always hurts. So what do people mean by that? The pain is good sometimes, feeling something is always good because when the days come when you don’t feel anything and you have a real talk with yourself about the things you are sad about and the people you have loved - feeling numb makes you feel guilt, it’s weird. I’m not unhappy by any means, I don’t think I’m a particularly good person, but I do good things sometimes and I love people and people love me and this is why death doesn’t scare me but also absolutely terrifies me. I miss my friend, so so so much. I never got to meet my nephew, but the grief my sister felt- I felt that too. I don’t know. Strange thing, death.





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4 months ago

Re: Thinking

My cousin killed himself. We were best friends. My parents gave me away. I watched the only people who were good to me die.

I know they are in Heaven so I pray to them. I talk to them thru Jesus. I know I’ll see them again.


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I don’t know how old your post is but I’m gonna share with you. I lost my 14 yr old son to suicide and it has been the worse pain I’ve ever endured. There is no answers to why someone takes their lives. There is no understanding it and you have to stop trying. For my son, he had concussions and was going through massive hormones and the doctors called it a perfect storm. However as a parent that’s not what you want to hear. Anyone that has lost someone to suicide thinks that they could have done something but reality is no one could have helped unless they asked for it. My son had a “ flash depression” with no depression ever seen prior but there was nothing I could have done. I didn’t tell him prior “ IF you feel this, call” because I was arrogant thinking that My son would never go there. As much as it pains me to think that “why didn’t he call me” he was in so much pain at that moment that he didn’t know what else to do. As a survivor of suicide, your job is to talk about it to others and let people know that when they are in that state of mind there is a way out. They need to talk to others or call the National hotline @ 1-800-273-8255 and talk. Our jobs as survivors of suicide is to let others know that they can reach out. Call the number if you need it and have that number in your phone if you ever “sense” the time you may need to give it out. Suicide is an epidemic today with young teens and young adults, help them. It takes all of us that have experienced the loss of suicide to help others!