This is me

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And so this vicious cycle repeats. I feel myself slipping deeper into the dark. I've always tried to stop it, I've always forced my compassion out. This time however I feel my apathy growing stronger than anything. I want to care I want to love but whatever was left of my kindness has started to rot. I feel like I'm becoming the monster I've been so afraid of. Whatever good was left in me it's gone now. I don't even feel human anymore. I want to sleep that's all. I see things that once made my world light up but now I can't even smile like I used to. I feel so fucking broken and the truth is I know I'm not. I'm not who I was and I'm scared of who I'm becoming. I can go through the motions of being happy but the truth is it's all a lie. It's ironic really I still try to make others happy out of habit but truth be told Im not sure I care either way. I don't know if I'm suffering I don't know if I'm hurt or Happy or anything I simply exist. Any good memory turns to a hazy dream almost like it was all movie not a memory. If I could I'd just die and be done with it all, but unfortunately I'm far too spiteful to die. It's aggravating no matter how hard I try no matter what efforts I do I'm always falling short. I'm trapped like it or not. The other side of of tomorrow isn't a place I'm particularly keen on seeing, yet I am excited to see how it it all plays out.

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