suggestions

This is my story please suggest me what to do in this situation

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I'm 23 years old. Mera 5 saal ka relationship tha jisme mujhe sirf starting m hi khushiya milti thi. Dheere dheere humara relationship bekar hota Gaya roz ladai hoti thi trust issues the. Wo hmesha kuch na kuch Esa krta tha jisse muje dukh hota tha m us rishte se Bahr nhi Nihal parhi thi. M jnti thi us rishte m ab jaan nhi h lekin himmat nhi hui kbhi. Lekin kuch making pehle Mera bf ur m long distance m the ur udhar use 1 ladki mili jo bhut bold thi nashe krti thi cigarette beer ganja sb krti thi and mere bf ko b Nasha krna acha lgta tha to unki ese hi dosti hui. Badhte badhte bt itni badh gyi ki 1 din Nashe m Un dono ke bich sex hogya. Ur muje wo Bola ki sb kuch us ladki ne kia. But fr b jo b Hua m uske sth ab nhi reh skti thi ...

Is bich meri 1 ladke se bt hui jo ki mere hi office m h abhi sb work from home h to m us ladke ko kbhi nhi mili ..humari online hi bt hui ..m use suggestions ke liye baat ki kyuki wo muje samjhdar ur mature lga.. m use apni sari story batai. Usne bhi muje yhi suggest kia ki m apne bf ko chord du kyuki ab rishta tut chuka h ur wapis Jane ka koi mtlb nhi h ..to ese muje himmat mili apne bf ko chordne ki ..us ladke se bte krna muje acha lgne lga kyuki wo bhut hi mature ur achi baate krta tha..dheere dheere humari dosti hogyi ..wo muje bhut achese smjhta tha jesa partner m hamesha se chahti thi usme sb kuch h ..apni baat bolna use Ata tha achese uski baate esi hoti thi ki hum ghanto kisi b topic pr baat krskte h Bina bore hue. Hmari baate 1 ghnte se 5-6 ghnte hone lagi. Jitni baate to mene apne bf se kbhi nhi ki wo m distance m is ladke se krne lgi. But main baat ye h ki is ladke ka kuch Esa past h jo muje thoda pareshan krta h ur muje smjh nhi arha qa kru m .

Usne mujse Shuru m hi clear bataya tha apne past ko lekr jb hmari baate shuru hui thi. Uska past Esa tha ki wo 1 ladki ke sth bhut serious relationship m tha dono live in m rehte the ..bhut pyar tha dono ke bich..but 1 din undono ke bich kuch argument hogya. Baat zada badi bhi nhi thi lekin us ladki ne suicide krlia sirf ye dikhane ke liye ki wo Kitna pyar krti h usse. Jb usne use esi halat m dekha wo smjh nhi paya Hua kya. Wo hi use hospital le gya dead body ko morgue m dekha usne roya wo bhut ..tab us ladki ke ghrwale b agye wo usko jnte the ki ye ladka bf h uska. Us ladki ka antim sanskar b usi ne kia. Ye bhut painful tha uske liye ur uske Marne ke bad se usne soch lia tha ki ab life m wo kbhi shade nhi krega na hi kisi b ladki se kuch rishta bnayega..wo apni Mari hui gf ke liye Har din meditation krta h..uski wallpaper apne phn m hmesha rkhta h ..Har saal uski death anniversary pr baal katwa deta h ..ye sb cheeze thi jo usne muje batai jb m use apna past btai thi toh. I was also shocked. Ur usne muje pehle hi clear krdia tha ki m kisi b rishte m nhi aunga apn ache dost h ...ur m b move on kri thi apne bf se to muje b time chahiye tha..lekin jese jese time bita hmari baate badhti gyi..wo muje bhut zada achese Janne lga. Meri Har choti cheezo ko smjgta tha notice krta tha ...muje b usse baate krna acha lgta tha.. dheere dheere hum dono ke andr dosti se kuch zada hi hogya..pr m hmesha darti thi ye confess krne se quki uska past is tarh ka tha..lekin usne mujse confess kia ki wo like krta h ur m use ye bt nhi boli ki m b krti hu..quki mere andr purane rishte ka dhokhe ka dar tha ur iske pas Jane m ye dar tha ki ye apni Mari hui gf se itna pyar krta h ki muje wo jgh nhi dega kbhi ..mene bhut bar try kia ki ab m usse Kam krdeti hu baate lekin pta nhi kyu Esa kbhi ho hi nhi paya ..hmari kuch cheeze itni same h ..hum kbhi kbhi same time pe same cheez boldete h ..ye bhut alg cheez thi Esa lgta h ki koi purana connection h..ese krte krte Hume 3 mahine hogye baat krte and muje ur use dono ko smjh agya ki ye cheez pyar h ..pr m hmesha se hi Dari bolne m usne muje Bola ki wo mujse pyar krne lga h...m b krne lgi thi pr muje pichle rishte m jo dhokha Mila uske bad se dar tha ur muje Esa rishta chahiye tha jo commitment wala ho jiski last stage shadi ho..lekin isne starting m Bola tha ki shadi nhi krega ..to mere andr bhut sawal the ..but wo muje Bola ki wo Sach m pyar krta h ur ye cheez time pr chord du..muje Bola ki agr m shadi krunga to tmse hi nhi to kbhi krunga hi nhi ..muje Bola ki time do itni jldi m kese boldu kese promise krdu ki shadi krunga. Pehle to wo rishte m ane se b mana krta tha leki dheere dheere pyar Hua ur hum relationship m agye. Usne muje kbbi b apni gf se compare nhi kia ..kbhi b koi b cheez m use bich m nhi laya..bas mujse Bola ki m meditation to krunga ..jo ki muje lga ki thik h ..uske pyar m muje koi b kami nhi dikhti ..sb acha h ...lekin m future ka sochkr darti hu ki muje frse dhokha na mile ya muje frse dukh na mile..jb b m usse uski gf ki bt bolti hu wo bt nhi krna pasand krta

Kyuki wo Mar chuki h ur uski jgh uski zindagi m bhut alg h..lekin wo muje bolta h ki ye cheez kbhi is rishte ke bich m nhi ayegi ..wo mujse usi tarh ka pyar krega..Har cheez krega mere liye

bas uski Mari hui gf ki bt na kru kbhi ..

Ab ye baat muje pareshan krti h ki age Jake kya hoga..kya muje abhi future ki tension na lekr jo achi acha h use dekhna chahiye ya muje kya krna chahiye. Please aap log muje sahi advice dedo...kyuki m nhi janti esi situation jidr uski past gf Mar chuki ho ..uske sth relationship m Ana kesa h ..ye normal past nhi h m janti hu ..lekin in sb m uski b to koi glti nhi thi ...please muje bataiye ki m is situation m kya kru ..

Thank you