This is where I leave me

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9 years ago I told myself I was going to make a whole lot of changes in my life so I could be able to live properly. I was so sure it was going to be an easy transition for me you know, from pathetic to wellness. It was almost as if I had peeped into my future and seen the results of these changes I wanted so badly because, what else could have given me such confident authorization over my own life?

9 years has passed since then and I'm still the same old me. Things have changed alright, to worse. Everything I told myself I was going to achieve , I've done none. I've gone from self- pity to self- destruction. Still the same old me except I'm miserable. When I made those challenging declaration at 15, I didn't think I'd still be struggling to live at 24. I thought by now, things would have been great. Every single plan I made for myself has gone down the drains. In these last 9 years, I've learnt a lot of terrifying things about myself; I never tell myself the truth. I lie so much to myself it has done nothing but harm every single self esteem I have. It took me awhile to realise how much damage lying has done to my growth. It has stopped me from seeing myself as I really am which is weak and that's the truth. I am weak, sad, tired, disappointed, lonely, alone and lost. So many times, I've tried to find my way but it only seems like I'm falling deep into my own dug up bottomless pit. 

I'll be 25 in August

I can't keep living this way, I have stop living this way