Sometimes the weight of my own thoughts feels is like drowning.
The thoughts are like sharks pulling me down, deeper and deeper.
Lost in the never-ending self-judgment and unanswered questions
Tipping, biting, pulling to be heard and not to be hidden away over and over
I wonder how long I can hold my breath until I resurface
Or even how long it will be till I get to take a breath again.
Never truly standing on land but grasping for anything to hold on
swaying along in the ocean current, waiting to be pulled down
It gets exhausting shoving the thoughts away never to be seen
For the thoughts to be seen is to ask for the sharks to come
So there pushed away, to be able to try to just a minnow among the sharks
Shrieking into the shadows to not be recognized and standout
Sometimes the thoughts are worse as the sharks,
Only there reminding me what sharks already have done and question what I could have done differently
Past memories circle me in my state of drowning, deepening the cracks in my mask
I hide the hurt and the pain, so I don’t seem weak again, so I don’t become that person that was so easy to break.