I want to kill myself!!!! I'm not gonna do it but I feel so trapped, like a stray, scared dog in a crate. It makes me happy that I finally have some friends, but doing things that make me happy causes extreme friction between me and my mom (my caretaker and main provider). Today in particular, I feel like proper shite. I broke and went to a club and now I'm restricted because of coronavirus. That motherfucking virus could not have come at any worst moment possible. I was ready to spread my wings! I had finally recovered just enough from years of living in misery and sadness. Now I'm in it, even deeper than before. I feel stupid that I ever thought things might get better. My parents mean the world to me, although it might be time for me to leave. I wouldn't do anything to hurt them! but after a merely couple of hours of clubbing, I am scared shitless that I might have or carry the Demon™. I suffer from OCD, and it seems like I don't know anymore where the logic and prevention stops and the disorder begins. For the first time in my life, I can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Nobody else that I know of lives like this. I don't know who to talk to. Everyone seems like they don't understand.
That's that I guess