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Tired

Hey, I’m tired, depressed, low and I want to give up... badly. I just can’t hold on. Im really tired mentally. I’ve been good, never hurt anyone intentionally, been sweet to everyone. I never want to contribute to any trouble in anyone’s life. But I don’t know why I’m the one that has to face so much pain or am I too sensitive? I’m sure none of “my friends” mom would call them a ‘rand’, do I actually deserve this word? Am I a prostitute? She gives me so much pain with her words. I’ve cried myself to sleep so many times because of that. 


I’ve always wanted to pursue Arts or BBA, because Im good at it and it makes me happy. How can one rate a career? How can they tell that Arts isn’t good or BBA isn’t? Well this choice was taken away from me. I wanted to get into MCC for arts or Acharya for BBA but that choice was taken away. I was taken to counselling to two different education expo to help change my mind. My parents told me I’d never become anything in life with an Arts degree that you’d have to be the best to survive. So, it means that I can’t be the best? I was dragged from one engineering college to another to look at it. I wasn’t allowed to fill an application form for MCC. I was torn apart and forced to take up engineering even tho I hated math, hated coding and hated solving circuits. Seeing how much it meant to my parents I agreed to take it up in the end. I agreed to suffer for four years for them. Just for them to be happy. I didn’t even complain no matter how it hurt me or how much I struggled. 


But I can’t do it anymore...Im really trying hard but its hard. Im broken and I have no one to help me. I’m tired. I just can’t do it with all the taunts, my sensitivity, my loneliness and lack of will to live anymore..I don’t have any reason to still keep me going.

I’ve cried a million times, cut myself a hundred times and I’ve tried to suicide. Its my last call for help.



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Re: Tired

You must feel exhausted and out of hope, you have people that care about you. Mental health is so important especially after trauma or in any situation. You have dreams, go after them give it your absolute best. Life is full of mysteries and if you give it up now it will be such a waste. You must be in hard pain, I hear you, my best advice would be for you to go and see a specialist, find a treatment and be better, feel better. Don't let anyone chose your future it is YOUR life and you must be tired of feeling bad. Somebody loves you and cares about you. Don't leave us.

This is not your fault. I get that it's hard. You want to please everyone but you can't always do that. I would recommend keeping a journal or talking to someone. If your to scared to talk to your parents, write them a letter. I really hope that you are ok. And I know this, your parents would rather have you in art school than have you be dead. I hope that evrything turns out ok. Praying for you!!!