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Tired

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My parents always have way to much expectations for me and I'm tired, really tired. I want to quit everything and just grow up already so that I can be able to do what I want, I got a good grades my freshman year of high school and I got a superintendent scholar award from my school which means I get grades above 85 for all my classes, but this year I took ap physics with a shitty teacher and barely have a B in that class, so this year I can't get the award. My parents were so proud when I got the first one but if they knew I didn't get the second one for this year, they are gonna treat me like I'm dumb and use me not getting the award as an excuse for me not being a good child towards them. I feel very frustrated that I have to hide it from them and try to avoid the conversation especially with my dad cause he is the most strict parent in the house and if I say it to him directly he would get mad and compare me with my friends(they are smart) If I hide it and he finds out he would still compare me to my friends and then get mad again for hiding it. I'm really scared, I hate how I have to fill up his expectations it feels unfair. Honestly I'm okay with him getting mad, I just hate how he thinks of me as a person who always lies and hides stuff, I stopped lying after I got into 7th grade and I'm still the liar, my parents don't believe in ANYTHING I say and that's what I hate, but I can't just go up and tell him about the award cause then he would tell me that "you know what just focus on school on your classes, here I was thinking about SAT's but you can barely even get good grades." He always says something of this sort when I don't reach up to his expectations, and whenever my friends try to comfort me by saying " tell him you forgot" it doesn't really help cause I've been through that I've seen his reactions they all lead up to me being the liar and hider. I just don't know what to do, everything leads me to being a bad kid, I just want to get everything over with and head to my adult life already.





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