TW- ED and possible drug abuse, I say this because I'm not sure what its called, but please let me know if I'm incorrect.I'm tired of my mom accusing my dad of cheating, all they do is fight. Just about ten minutes ago we received a letter in the mail from a Jehovah witness, but it had a women's name on it. immediately my mother assumed the worst. She has trust issues, but my parents have been together for about 17-18 years, give or take, and during that time he's never done anything wrong. But its not just that, I'm tired of the toxicity in my house. My parents always tell how great I am, but they don't know that I'm struggling. I feel like I have to live up this this expectation they have of me, and I can't tell them because I'm supposed to be the one who's always happy. I want people to come to me when they need someone to talk to. I've also been struggling with an eating disorder for the past year, and nobody knows about it. I used to take a bunch of laxative pills, or purge. I stoped during Christmas because I was starting to get questioned about my actions. But the past few weeks have been hard for me and I'm starting to regress. I also used to take almost an entire bottle of ibuprofen on multiple occasions, I'm not sure if this is considered drug abuse, or something else. I just can't anymore, I'm so empty. All I do is go to online school, do homework, barely eat, and go to bed. I started running during my lunch time because I want to be in track next year, but I think that now its becoming more of a thing to lose weight than to train myself. Whenever it gets bad, I just resort back to barely eating and purging. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just so tired of feeling like this, nobody knows, and I intend to keep it that way. I don't want to be hospitalized though. I just want to stop feeling like this. I have no one to confide in because it will just be pushed aside. My parents are always telling me that I can talk to them about anything, but they can't even talk to each other without saying something "wrong" and becoming upset. I'm always pushed aside, so I mainly just trust myself, but even I can't be there for me sometimes, but its all that I know to do. Honestly I'd much rather be gone, because I think I'm a.waist of food, time, space, and money. I think that I'd be much happier, but I know I habe to fight, because I'm in this for myself. Its just different know, I.habe to many thoughts and feeling controlling me and I don't know how to get rid of them without breaking entirely.