Today I have to die I can’t take feeling like this any more my mind feels clouded and shattered. I’ve come to the end of a very long period of severe anxiety and depression I have no respite not even when I close my eyes I have confused intrusive some times delusional thoughts which I can’t bare anymore. I’m hardly sleeping eating functioning and I’m dissociating constantly and feels like I have another voice in my head but it’s my own. I try to calm myself breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, meds tried CBT nothing takes the constant fear away. I slept for maybe two hours last night and i couldn’t settle however hard I tried. I don’t want to go into a hospital I don’t want to try more meds I can’t wait to be helped until next week if that happens my mind is constantly busy I’m constantly scared and confused I can’t cope. They tell me it’s not psychosis although I have some of the traits delusions some auditory, olfactory hallucinations and I don’t disagree with the cause I’m still in reality which only makes this worse I’m only too aware of all my sensations and symptoms and it’s too much for me to bare. So even though I have my loving wonderful family our lovely home beautiful cats I have to do this I actually have to. I’m scared of course but no other option now it’s too late for me all too late. I have done the prep I’ve readied the paperwork I just have to doit now. So that’s it 36 years old mother of one engaged to a wonderful man and I’m ending it all today no more pain no more hurt no more confusion nothing nothingness that’s it. Goodbye