I don't understand what I'm feeling anymore to be completely honest. I was born and raised as a Christian by both of my parents. I love them both so much. I have a good relationship with both of my parents but I have been feeling out of place within my own family these past few years. I realized I was a lesbian in middle school. I have only come out to my close friends, my brother and a few other people but I don't know if I'll ever be able to come out to my parents.
I believe that there is a heaven and a hell and my dad teaches that being a lesbian or gay or just being involved in any relationship that is not between a man and a woman is a sin. He says that people who are a part of the LGBTQ+ community will go to hell. And honestly that's what scares me, because I don't want to go to hell.
Whenever I think about dating someone all I can think about is how I'm going to have to break up with them in the future and it just tears me up inside. I know that I shouldn't be thinking about something like that if I'm in a relationship but that's how I personally feel. I just want to love who I want without having to be judged. I just want to love whoever I want without having to worry about the future.
I was taught that being gay is wrong and that it is not what God had planned. I want to go to heaven but I'm attracted to women. I've never even told my closest friend/family because I don't know what she would even say or how she would even react. I'm torn between this. It's like half of me is there and the other isn't.
Can someone please tell me what I should?