Time Spent- 1h 24m
25 Visitors

Toxic friend

Trigger warning

I'm friends with someone who is very toxic. I'm very naieve and I don't want to lose her, as she still can be so funny when she doesn't have these 'attacks'.

She has been questioning DID for a long time. But idk, I can see she is faking it. And a lot of friends of mine say it as well.

She used to be funny, and care about me. But more and more this dissapears. Like she becomes one big attention seeker.

I am currently staying the night. Cuz well, normally she would have these 'shifts' and kinda have panic attacks. Idk. I just gave in and tried to help her. But these days I'm done with this childish/crazy behaviour. I just want my fucking normal friend back.

Yesterday she had this 'shift' again and became very creepy. She even fucking bit me. Then she said she was dangerous so she tied herself up with some rope. So this kind of stuff never went that bad, so I had a panic attack cuz I couldn't take the creepiness anymore. Some minutes later she freed herself. Came to me and wanted to put her hand in my neck. I have PTSD, so angrily I shoved her hand away and had a panic attack again.

Then she became 'normal' again. Asking if I was okay. I don't understand anymore. She makes me feel scared to die, suicidal, angry, triggered to selfharm. And still I don't want to leave her as she is the only person who understands me, who I can share everything with.

Replied Articles

Re: Toxic friend

Please put yourself first. Imagine if you fell asleep and she decided to do something disgusting to you while you were asleep. Paragraph I have relatives I would not sleep in the same house with because of the shit they pull with me.

You need to get out of there. She beat you, she could pass on all sorts of infectious diseases do you make sure you go to hospital and get that thing disinfected. If someone is biting you they can’t be your friend. I’m so sorry she has a serious mental illness and she needs a professional to help her unless you are qualified professional in which case you’re not her friend, you should not be around her.

Ok, here's my two cents...

I have quite a lot of experience with mental illness; both struggling with it and seeing it in others - including family & friends. I think as a society we tend to overcompensate. What I mean is, we used to treat all mental illness the same. They were all 'crazy' & needed to be kept away from normal people. Most of us now realize that's crap & believe those with mental health issues should have our love & support; which they should. However there are some illnesses that are too severe to be treated with acceptance, like sociopathy, psychopathy, DID, Schizophrenia, to name a few. But keep in mind that DID is a defensive response to INTENSE TRAUMA. If your friend didn't have it before & hasn't recently been through something horrific, it's probably not DID.

Having said that, there are also tons of mental illnesses that you enable by 'playing along' or 'giving them a pass'. It is detrimental to you, and counterproductive to the person suffering from the ailment.

My son has BPD (Borderline Personally Disorder - as do I). But for him (and about 63% of sufferers), that means an irrational & compulsive habit of exaggeration, embellishment and outright lying! It started when he was very young & we chalked it up to age. As a teenager, he would maintain a lie even in the face of proof. In young adulthood, it cost him relationships and the trust and respect of family & friends. But no one said anything....and he was great otherwise, right?

He's about to be 30 and he is finally admitting to lying about huge parts of his narrative. Now he's struggling with depression, guilt, etc. He has a long road ahead.

My point is, just like an alcoholic, abuse victim or any addict - you can not make them better by standing by while they feed into their dysfunction! Love them. But for your sake -and theirs- do so from a distance. They will begin their recovery when they're ready, not when you want them to. That's the truth.

Step away from toxic people, no matter how funny they are. The abusive drunk is only violent when they drink. The addict would never steal, especially from loved ones, but the drugs make them do it. The toxic, chaos magnet has lots of good qualities, they only lash out when they're emotional - which is always because they're unstable!

Run. Do not walk, to the nearest exit. If and when your friend gets help & starts healing, they'll reach out to you. If that happens and you're no longer subject to their illness, you can resume association.

Anyways, those are my insights (not that you asked). I wish you luck. And remember, you both deserve more than your getting now.